locked in

sometimes i wish i could stop lying and tell the truth to my friends. i'm tired of making up stories. people reach out to me, and ask questions, but i smile, shrug, joke, take another drink. no, really, everything's fine, i'm just tired. i have such a need to take them aside and reveal things but it won't work, something stops me.

it's my own fault. i've built this wall, initially to protect myself, and now i can't see a way out, can't scale the sides, it's too steep.